I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
