like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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