weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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