I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bring money and cleavage
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
