I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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