Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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