I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
