Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
