But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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