i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
