Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
