have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
