you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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