I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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