Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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