you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
