Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
