This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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