He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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