Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
