the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
