I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
be right there i have to get my cape
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
