Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
