Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
