Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
