So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
