she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
