It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I deserve this hangover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
