I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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