Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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