She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
