And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
