Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She announced her abortion via fbk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
