Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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