He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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