I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
