They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
