its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
