I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
