You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
