Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
