well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
