he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
