she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize