we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
