This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
