The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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