In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
