I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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