I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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