i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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