she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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