dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
