Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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