Im at strip club and am horny
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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