somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
