I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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