her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
