my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
