There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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